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Volume 2, ISSUE 5A

05/08/2020 12:54:15 PM

May8

Pepsi Kastner

Ruff Times

Ever since that holiday 8 weeks ago when the humans wore masks all day, things have stayed weird. Granted, that first day the masks were more colorful and now they are kind of plain. Come to think of it, there was a colorful parade of humans knocking on the front door that day dropping off boxes of people-food and now I haven't seen any new humans visiting the house ever since. Maybe I barked too much that day?

On a good note the man-children have been home with me 24/7. Though they used to be more interesting, coming and going, studying, writing, playing sports; constantly on the move. Now they've turned into nocturnal creatures that stay in their caves most of the time. Through the still of the night they both seem to be fighting in some war. I hear explosions and gunfire but  when I check on them I only see a glowing screen in each of their rooms.
 
It seems everyone in the house forgot what a haircut is. They are all walking around disheveled and unshaven. Live and let live I thought, until they revealed what big hypocrites they are! 

"Pepsi is looking a little shabby." 

"Pepsi is getting food stuck on her fur."

Next thing I know it's the amateur barbershop hour and I'm getting my fur clipped off in uneven clumps. It looks like I lost a battle with a lawnmower. Now when I go for a walk, that orange cat snickers behind my back. That cat! How I can't stand her.

Speaking of cats, the mother of the man-children was watching on her screen a show that had many big cats. She watched an episode every night for a week. The father-human made fun of her the first two nights but he eventually watched with her. Such treachery! Bad enough that orange cat is ruining my backyard, now there are cats on the screens in the house. The show itself isn't half-bad; it seems there is a man who collects big cats, keeps them in cages, breeds them and in his spare time plots the murder of a woman who also collects big cats. The woman is a suspect herself in the disappearance of her first husband. Personally, I'm grateful to anyone who keeps cats locked up, especially such big ones. I'm also not surprised that anyone who likes cats that much are in need of therapy. I wonder if I can get the orange cat to visit Oklahoma...

All I hear about is social distancing 6 feet between humans. It's the latest thing. The short man on the screen who stands next to the tall man with orange hair talks about it every day. They say how this new idea will save the humans. Outrageous! More treachery! For over ten years I've been walking my human with a 6 foot leash and would bark at any other human, dog, cat or squirrel that would even get close to 6 feet. How come I'm not standing next to the man with the orange hair? Where is my treat?!
   
When I see other dogs, they tell me strange things are happening with their humans too. When I check my pee-mail by the local fire-hydrant it’s all about how something has changed. The grandparent humans aren't visiting and giving us forbidden people-food under the table; the local kids stopped knocking on the door asking if they can play. 

Sometimes, when you don't see us, we see your eyes misting with tears. We sense your loss of confidence; we smell your fear. We admire your bravery trying to keep things fun and happy, to put food on your table and in our bowls.

We are your best friends and we wish we could lick your tears away. We love you all so so much. Even if you can't give good haircuts, we feel your love. It’s that love that will carry you humans through this strange time. It will strengthen your families and your neighborhood. 

Yup, things will change. Maybe, when this is over I'll even give that orange cat a break.

On second thought...Nah!

By: Pepsi Kastner

Fri, October 23 2020 5 Cheshvan 5781